Damned: Chapter 15) Awake

I opened my eyes for the first time in a long time from a peaceful sleep. I stretched and scanned my eyes across the room when I saw Vitaly coming out of the bathroom buttoning his shirt.

“Miss Donovan.” He greeted.

I smiled at him in return.

“Do I have your permission to leave now?” he continued with a tease which made me keep that smile.

Even though I was smiling, it felt unreal. My heart still felt heavy from what happened yesterday. My so-called smile faded into a painful frown. I pushed myself upright on the bed and took a slow aching breath. Vitaly neared me and sat at the edge, absorbing my expression.

“Katherine.”

I slowly drifted my eyes onto his.

“I won’t be home today so if you need anything, don’t hesitate to ask Maria.” He stated.

“You’re not going to be here?” I asked in a broken whisper.

“I have a very delicate manner to handle, Miss Donovan. I’ll try to get back early.”

I turned slightly away and nodded.

“I need you to promise me something, Katherine.” His voice pleaded dangerously.

I looked at him confused, “Promise what?”

“I need you to steer clear of Mikhail and my grandfather. Do you understand me?”

“I have no reason to meet them, Vitaly.”

He seemed content with my response.

“And what about Sevastian, isn’t he someone I could ‘steer clear’ of too?”

“You don’t have to worry about Sevastian,” he gave an easy grin, “I dealt with him the first time he met you.”

I remember how murderous Vitaly’s expression was that day when Sevastian tried to harm me. I wonder what was it that Rostov had told him. To be honest, Sevastian had been a lot more civilized with my being here after Vitaly’s encounter with him. I wasn’t complaining.

“I’ll be back soon.” He smiled and got off the bed, heading for the door, “Don’t forget what I told you.”

And with that, he left.

After taking a bath and all that jazz, Maria brought food for me and honestly, she forced me to eat. Normally, I would have eaten anything but dealing with my situation caused me to lose my appetite.

“Maybe you should take a walk outside and get some fresh air?” Maria suggested.

She was right. I had to get myself together again. This depression was eating me. The truth of the matter was that Oksana was dead, if I hadn’t done what I did then Natalia and I would have both been dead and then there would be no one to find my brother and restore my family’s lost happiness. Still, that didn’t change the fact of how much I hated myself for shooting her. I hadn’t meant to do that. I hadn’t meant to kill her. I panicked.

I wonder how Natalia is right now. She must still be hurt. Oksana did injure her badly. I looked at Maria and asked curiously,

“How’s Natalia?”

“Oh, she’s in her room. Perhaps I should carry something to drink for her as well.”

“You don’t have to do it,” I smiled and took the cold drink from her which she bought for me, “I’ll give her.”

“Miss Donovan, are you after my job?” Maria playfully laughed.

I couldn’t help but giggle at that.

Taking the drink in hand, I walked towards Natalia’s room and knocked on the door. A few seconds after, she responded.

“It’s open.”

Slowly, I walked in to take note of the girl on the bed. She leaned against her bedhead with her eyes closed. Opening her eyes, she looked at me and held a nonchalant expression.

“It’s you.”

“How are you feeling, Natalia?” I asked with a soft smile.

“How are you feeling, Katherine?” she questioned back.

“I could have been better.” I sighed as I placed the drink on her table.

Natalia looked at the AC and frowned, “It’s cold and congested in here.” Taking the remote up, she switched it off, “Would you mind opening the window, we should get some fresh air.”

“Okay,” I answered as I made my way towards the window.

The soft gentle breeze tousled my hair slightly and kissed my cheeks with joy as I opened it. It was honestly a beautiful day.

“Maybe we should go outside. What do you-” I asked as I turned around to face Natalia aiming a gun to my head.

Shock and fear clawed my insides as I stared at the girl in front of me.

“What did you hear?” she asked harshly, her voice with a slight accent.

“What?”

“Don’t play dumb with me, Donovan.”

Okay, this was enough.

I was too damn sick and tired of all this drama.

“Is this the way you thank someone who saved your life, Natalia?” I asked angrily, “Is this your form of gratitude?”

“Shut up and don’t try and lecture me. I asked you something, answer me.”

I didn’t.

“I swear to God, if Vit didn’t need you right now I would have killed you already.”

“Then do it, Natalia,” I scowled, “Just forget about Vitaly and shot me.”

She clenched her teeth and anger washed across her features, “I’m just warning you, don’t cross your line with me. Whatever you heard, forget it. You don’t want to get on my bad side.”

“You have a good side?” I scoffed.

“Donovan,” She growled lowering the gun.

“And that’s the problem with you people!” I hissed at her, “You treat people like shit and expect them to treat you with respect! It doesn’t work like that, Natalia. Admit it, admit how much you hate not being able to lead a normal life! You pretend to be perfect but you’re not! I can see it. It’s a façade, isn’t it? You hate yourself, don’t you?”

I was so mad. I was in this mess because I tried to save her. And here she was being a major B to me.

“You’re just an ungrateful, selfish, inconsiderate bitch who doesn’t know when to stop.” I seethed, “I feel sorry for you, Natalia.”

And with that, I walked away.

I was done with her crap. I was done with everything here. I couldn’t stand this place, these people. This was hell and they were destroying my innocence.

Marching into Vitaly’s room, I sat angrily on the sofa. After what I did for her! After helping her and damaging my personal reputation! This was just too much. I just sat there thinking about everything that happened. I even contemplated on my life. What did I do to deserve this? I remember one day in school I had stepped on two ants purposefully and maybe I had cut a piece of my friend’s hair off when she was asleep. But to be fair, I was just trying to test her DNA to confirm that she wasn’t an alien. I mean, you can’t trust anyone and I was seven at the time.

I really wished Vitaly hadn’t broken my phone. That’s when I remember something. Quickly I found my suitcase, dug my hands into it, and searched for the device.

His phone.

I remembered lying to him and telling him I had flushed it down the toilet. He actually believed that. It was weird because he didn’t even have a lock screen. Anyway, that’s better for me. I sat comfortably back down on the sofa and played on his phone to take my mind off things. Surprisingly, it was working. After that, I got bored and snooped on it a bit more.

Damn, no nudes.

The guy never even took one selfie. With a sigh, I took many of myself. Problem solved. I tried to find joy in doing all this but it was difficult. Who the hell was I kidding? I couldn’t forget what happened no matter how hard I tried or how many selfies I took. I tarnished my image because I got involved with these people. If I stayed here any longer, what more would happen? The very thought scared me. My head ached severely. I tried to push it away and close my eyes. I tried so very hard. Now, I needed to make a decision.

“Miss Donovan had been asleep for a while sir.” I heard Maria’s soft voice, “I think she might be running a fever.”

“I told you to take care of her, Maria. I only stepped out for a day and this happens.” Vitaly scolded in a hushed voice.

I sorely tried to peel my eyes open, “Rostov?” I mumbled in a question as I tried to sit up.

I rubbed my eyes and took a deep breath trying to get back to normal.

“Katrina,” he frowned kneeling to my level as Maria left. Vitaly placed a hand on my forehead and deepened his expression.

I couldn’t do this anymore. I had to tell him. I had to tell him my decision- what I wanted.

“Vitaly,” my voice ached, “I want to go home.”

“What?”

“I want to leave from here.” I said in frustration, “I can’t stay in this place again. I can’t.”

“Are you saying you’re done with this deal?” he scowled. His voice was laced with bitterness as he stood up angrily.

“No, I’m not saying that.” I shot back up yet almost lost my balance but he steadied me, “Please just try and understand why I want this.”

For a moment his expression softened and he released me only to walk across the room and run a hand through his hair.

“And if you leave from here, Katherine.”

“I’ll keep in contact with you, Vitaly. I haven’t forgotten why I’m here in the first place.”

He looked at me in such a cryptic manner. Was he mad at me?

“Maria,” he called a bit louder than usual, signaling for her.

“Sir?” she quickly responded a few seconds after, standing at the door.

“Make arrangements for Miss Donovan to leave.”

“Yes sir.”

I gave a soft smile, “Rostov I-”

Before I could finish my sentence, he pushed past me- knocking me unapologetically with his shoulder.

What the heck was his problem?

For the entire evening, Vitaly ignored me. It was a bit frustrating.

I got in the car and even then he hadn’t even said goodbye. Then again, he wasn’t that type of man. But why did I feel this way? Why did I feel extra depressed about this? Did I want him to see me off?  It wasn’t like it was the last time we were going to see each other. God, what was wrong with me? I had to get myself together.

It felt surreal arriving back at my apartment. Was this happening? Was I really home? I couldn’t believe this. Unlocking the door, I walked into the apartment and felt an immense cloud of emotion drift through me. Being here made me feel back to normal, at least a little. At first, I thought it would be.

I tried to get some sleep but I couldn’t. Every time I closed my eyes I kept seeing her soulless eyes, I saw those children staring at me, I saw the dead little girl on the ground from my previous dream and the blood that covered them all. I heard the moans and screams of children in the silence and the sudden gunshot that killed my innocence.

I shouldn’t have made this decision. I shouldn’t have come back to this apartment alone. What the heck was I thinking? I felt as if I was dying inside here. It was slow and painful and agonizing. Oh, God. Why? Why do I have to face this? At that sudden moment, I heard a knock on the door.

Snapping my head to the side I noted the time.

3:23 am

Who would be knocking at this hour? Cautiously, I headed to the door and kept my butter-knife in hand.

“Donovan, open the damn door.”

Vitaly?

In a swift fluid moment, I swung the door open to face my wonderful bastard.

“Vitaly!” I breathed achingly and threw my arms around him.

“Katherine,” he sounded a bit shocked as he pushed me in and shut the door keeping an arm around me.

I buried my face into his chest tightly.

“Why the hell weren’t you answering the phone?” he asked harshly.

Pulling away slightly, I replied with a confused expression.

“The phone?”

“I’ve been trying to call your apartment phone. You weren’t answering.”

“Oh, I… I didn’t hear it.”

“You didn’t hear it?” he arched an eyebrow questioningly, “Katrina, what were you doing all this time? Were you asleep?”

“I wasn’t.”

Vitaly walked over to the sofa and sat pinching the brink of his nose almost in frustration. I didn’t like this. I didn’t like the way he looked right now.

“Are you mad at me?” my voice broke in that soft question.

He snapped his eyes up to me and frowned.

“What do you think?” he asked.

“I don’t know,” I sighed tiredly as I walked cautiously towards him with a bottle of water in hand.

“Truthfully, I’m pissed that you got to kill her before I did.” He chuckled, “I had the whole honeymoon package planned out.”

“You’re a freak.” I scowled.

I was about to walk away when suddenly he held my hand and pulled me down on the sofa with him.

 “Vit-”

“I’m not mad at you.” He answered seriously.

His closeness to me was burning like the sun.

“I killed her,” I whispered feeling brutally ashamed, “I killed her Vitaly. It isn’t a joke to me.”

“Donovan, you need to get yourself together.”

“I can’t! This… what I did I can’t forget it. I murdered someone. I- I’m going to hell, Vitaly.” I painstakingly spoke as my eyes dampened.

“Katherine,” he sighed, suddenly pulling me into his arms. I softly sobbed as I buried my face into his chest. It was almost comforting, the way he held me. My pain was eating me, chewing me, and spitting me into bits of humiliation. I don’t cry yet here I was doing that. I was vulnerable in front of a man who I had every reason not to trust. No, I had to stop. Weak people cry. I’m not weak. I’m not.

Vitaly caressed the back of my head as he held me and gave a soft easy laugh, “Angels don’t go to hell.”

“What?” I asked, slightly pulling away from him.

“I assure you Katherine, you’re not going to hell. Oksana’s faith was unfortunate.”

“I killed your fiancée.” I exhaled causing him to suddenly smile.

“Our marriage was arranged, Katherine. It was a deal, nothing more.”

“Why would you even do that?” I frowned, “You can’t marry a person you don’t love.”

“We had to keep things in the family, love.”

My head suddenly ached and I pressed it into his shirt, “I don’t like this.”

“I know.” He answered as he allowed me to lean in on him. I tiredly closed my eyes.

I opened my eyes, only to realize that I fell asleep. My leg awkwardly between his whilst the other over him. I had never been so close to a man before. I never had anyone hold me like he was doing right now. Truthfully, I liked it. I loved the feeling of his arm around me as I breathed into his shirt. I nuzzled into his hold. The image of a sleeping, harmless Vitaly warmed my insides. What was it about this man?  Shifting slightly, I suddenly heard a surprised voice.

“Katherine?”

Katherine.

I knew that voice.

Oh my God!

I peeled my eyes open and I pushed myself up, shocked by the persons before me.

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