Fatal Alliances: Chapter 36
His words stabbed me like a pencil through the heart. Did he really say that? Did he just say that he murdered his own father? I didn’t expect that, I mean, I knew I had to expect the unexpected from Adrian Vandermir. But this? No, I wouldn’t have thought of him in this perspective. Shock laced through me, no words.
“I couldn’t put up with it anymore,” He continued and looked at the bed, “I did it for her.”
It was so silent that I swore the frantic hammering of my heart could have been heard. Adrian gave a tired sigh and looked at me again, “You know what.” He began, “You can do whatever the hell you want to do, Greene.”
As I opened my mouth slightly to make an attempt to speak, he continued, “You could leave if you want. Really, it won’t matter again. Go ahead, run away. I’m a monster, remember. I’ve been like that to you since we first met.”
His voice was like ice daggers. Turning away from me, he walked out the door and up the stairs without another word. This was unbelievable. As I painstakingly brushed my eyes around the room, I felt a sick sensation within me. Adrian’s words seemed to be rewinding in my head as I imagined unpleasant images and visions of what had happened in this very room. I felt faint, dizzy, breathless. Did he really go through that? His father? His mother? Oh God, did he really kill his father? Was Adrian really that dangerous? I remembered how he had acted when my father was about to hit me, he stopped him. Yet, there was this unexplainable madness within him. He was so aggressive. It all made sense now, as much as I didn’t want to believe this, it was the truth.
I ran out of the room and back up to the guest room with my heart sinking to the pit of my stomach. So many emotions were bombarding me. I didn’t know how exactly I should feel right now. Should I be scared of him? Depressed and saddened by what had happened to him? Hurt at the way he spoke to me? Happy he was allowing me to walk away from all this madness? Hateful he wasn’t going to give a damn about anything again? Angry at the way his attitude always is towards me? Gosh, I was so confused and frustrated.
Sinking into the bed and trying uselessly to close my eyes seemed like a difficult task. I couldn’t stop thinking about what just happened. About Adrian. Everything was so very perplexing. He killed his own father, he admitted it, he’s a murderer. I should be scared of him, like he said, he was a ‘monster’. I convinced myself into viewing him like that. That’s how I always used to view him right? So why can’t I now? Why couldn’t I bring myself to hate him? To fear him? Logic told me to get as far away from him as possible, to not trust him, but everything else told me otherwise. My heart ached for him.
He was right, he hadn’t given me a reason not to trust him. He really never did lie to me. Adrian always told me the truth. He may have kept things from me and diverted my attention from questions he didn’t want to answer, but he never did lie to me. He really did a lot for me. I mean, he kept me alive until this day, right? No, he’s a murderer, I can’t trust him. If he could do that to his own father, his own blood, then who was I? Couldn’t he kill me as well? But… he never did strike me as the crazy murderer type. And if he wanted to hurt me like that, then wouldn’t he have done it a long time ago? I feel safe when I’m with him. Was that bad? Was he the bad guy, the monster? Does being around him and not hating him as much as I used to make me bad as well?
Taking a deep sigh, I hugged the pillow and buried my face into it. This was complicated, Adrian Vandermir was. What he told me, the truth about his past. I couldn’t bring myself to think about that. I couldn’t. Was he really a victim of abuse like that? As much as I didn’t want to believe it, as much as I wanted to picture him as the spoilt rich kid, I couldn’t bring myself to. I saw that place, that demonic, little, sick hellhole of a room. My heart ached to picture a trembling little kid being beaten and tortured down there, being locked up at night in a room with a casket which looked like someone’s body was in it. Watch your mother get abused by your father of high thinking, yet psychopathic nature. Live with the fact that your mother left you, a helpless child, to fend the devil off alone. And endure more pain because of that. What would I do? Wouldn’t I want to end it somehow? Would I commit the same act Adrian did? Would I consider it to be sinful if I was trying to stop a man’s evil ways? God, I wanted to cry. I wanted to hug that child and tell him it was going to be okay. That he isn’t alone. I wanted to tell him I’d never leave him. That child… that man… Adrian.
I tried to shut everything out and close my eyes, but I couldn’t. Sleep never came easy to me these days anyway. I wonder if he’s asleep, what’s going through his mind. Did he regret telling me about his past? He’s angry at me, I know he is. Isn’t he? I looked at the ceiling restlessly. Getting no sleep whatsoever, I got out of bed feeling very unsettled. I hadn’t realized it, but I had been keeping myself up the entire night bothered by everything that had happened. It was about just after five o’clock, maybe I should just stay up anyway. I knew for a fact that I wasn’t going to get any sleep. Climbing out of bed, I came out of the room and headed for something to drink. Sitting on the kitchen stool for a while, I stared at my cup of tea. The sun didn’t rise yet. Outside looked like a giant black blanket covering everything in its view. In other words, it was pitch black through the window.
“You’re up.” I heard a raspy voice near me. Adrian.
He stood afar from me at the other end of the counter. It was strange not hearing his smooth silky voice, maybe it gets raspy and rough when he’s stressed. Stress seemed like such a strong, unfamiliar, insulting word with this man. I never pictured him to be stressed or worried about anything ever before.
“I-I couldn’t sleep,” I admit nervously.
“Julie,” He began in a tired voice as he hesitantly walked closer to me and stood a few feet away, “What I said to you last night- I shouldn’t have said that. I shouldn’t have told you.”
So, he regretted telling me about it? Looking down at the tea, I tried to find words to speak to him. I needed to make a decision, I had to give him an answer.
“I’m not leaving you,” I spoke softly.
“What?”
“I-I’m not leaving Adrian.” I repeated, this time looking into his endless steel grey eyes, “I’m not going to run away from this. I don’t like leaving things unfinished. And you- you at least deserve this. I’m not leaving you.”
“I don’t want your pity, Miss Greene. You could hate me for what I did, but don’t pity me for anything.” He stated, almost as if those words stung him.
“I don’t hate you.” I sighed, “It’s just that, you’re right. I am ungrateful to you, I’ve always been. And, after you did so much for me- I- You-you haven’t given me any reason not to trust you but I-“
Getting off the stool, I walked up to him nervously yet achingly. We were only inches away from each other, yet I felt like we were oceans apart. I didn’t like it. I couldn’t bear the fact that I really had been so ungrateful to him, I blamed him for things that weren’t his fault, I was heartless and I couldn’t see he was the way he is because he was hurt. No, I was too self-centered and bratty to even give it a thought.
“I’m sorry.” I exhaled breathlessly, as I threw my arms around his neck in an embrace.
My heart was pounding too fast. He didn’t return the hug, but I expected that. Besides, I didn’t deserve it.
“I’m horrible, Adrian.” I sobbed, “I- I blamed you for everything.”
“Julie.” He breathed as I felt strong arms press me against his body tightly.
Burying my face into his neck, he gently pushed me against the counter. The closeness felt nice. Every time Adrian held me like this, I felt different. Different in a good way, that is.
“You’re an emotional little drama queen, aren’t you?” His voice kissed with a soft pained laugh as he cupped my cheeks and wiped away the tears with his thumbs.
Pulling away slightly, I stared at him with foggy eyes and a damp-stained face, “I’m not pretending, Adrian.”
“I know.” He replied with a subtle sad smile.
Looking at another picture of his mother in the living room nearby, I slightly moved away from him and walked up to the picture. I was honestly lost for words. I mean, how could she leave him? Yet he said he still loved her. Personally, I was mad at her. She ran away and left her son. I would never do something like that to my children. I would love and protect them no matter what and would find a way to get out of a relationship such as that one. God forbid I enter a relationship like that.
Turning to the side, I saw Adrian sitting on the couch absorbing me. Why was I feeling so much pain when I looked at him? Why couldn’t I forgive myself for my attitude towards him? I remembered telling him that no one would want to stay with him. I hate myself for saying that now. My heart clenched tightly as I walked near him. I was about to sit on the couch, but he suddenly held me by my wrist and gently pulled me on his lap. Slowly adjusting my legs comfortably on either side of him, he drew me closer- inches apart. This time, the only things between us were literally our clothes.
“I don’t know what it is about you, Miss Greene.” He whispered softly, only for him to hear. “Are you insane? Why would you want to even stay with me, Juliet? After I told you what I did.”
“Because I probably am insane, but I don’t care. I don’t know what it would take for you to forgive me.”
“You speak as if I hadn’t been an ass to you.” He frowned.
“You were, but I guess that’s how you are.” I tried to smile but I couldn’t.
“Well, you should know that I’d never held any grudges against you. You don’t have to ask for my forgiveness.”
“But what you said to me,” My voice broke, “You said I was-“
“I was angry, Juliet.” He stiffened, “I wasn’t in my right mind and I didn’t mean to hurt you.”
There was something about the way the grey in his eyes seemed to suck me in. He still seemed like a mystery to me. I don’t know what it was about this man. I clutched his shirt tighter in my hands and pressed my lips against his. It was surprisingly warm and soft, and my blood rushed heatedly within my veins. My insides were literally melting as I bit his lower lip and gently pulled. His body seemed to tense, I stopped and pulled away.
He hadn’t kissed me back.
I never felt this crushed and humiliated in my entire life. I wanted to burst into tears at the moment. I shouldn’t have done that.
You’re such an idiot, Greene!
Why did I even do it? As I was about to get off him, he stopped me- keeping a grasp in my wrist, “Julie wait-“
“F-for what?” I asked in an injured voice with a sniffle.
“Please try and understand-“
“What? What don’t I understand, Adrian?” My raised voice literally broke with a sob.
“That we-” He stopped and stared at me, but I snapped my eyes away from his gaze, “I’m only going to hurt you. I’m not what you want.”
“I completely understand, Adrian.” I swallowed the agony and embarrassment down.
“No, for Christ’s sake, you don’t.” He breathed.
“I know you don’t like me,” I said with another sniffle, “I understand.”
“Juliet, it’s not that. You’re a lovely girl, you really are. You’re beautiful, and any man would want you.”
There was a wounded silence that swept through the air as he continued, “Don’t ruin yourself for a man like me Julie. You can’t help me and I can’t give you want. Please try and understand. I don’t want to hurt you.”
I stood up from him firmly and stated for the hundredth time, “I understand.”
This time, I tried to understand and wiped the tears away, “I understand.”
He got up and towered over me at the side.
“And,” I cleared my voice, “You forgot smart. You forgot to tell me I’m smart.”
“You are.” He smiled, “I wish we could start over, Miss Greene. Things wouldn’t be this complicated.”
“Then we should.” With that being said, I turned to him, pushed away the pain, and flashed him my loveliest smile, sticking my hand out, “My name is Juliet Rosalie Greene, and you are?”
He stared at me for a second, and even though it was childish, he placed his hand to mine, “Adrian James Vandermir.”
“Mr. Vandermir.”
“Miss Greene.”
There was still that moment where I felt the electricity from his touch burn through my veins. He hadn’t let go of my hand, and I swore it was the longest handshake anyone’s ever given me.
He looked out the window, almost contemplating on something, and then back at me, “Come on.” He said, suddenly squeezing my hand gently in his.
“What?”
“Shut up and just follow me.”
“Adrian where are you-” I asked a bit taken back as he held me and walked out the back door.
It was still dark outside, where was he even taking me? The place where he stopped didn’t seem very far away from the house. I felt the cool icy mountain breeze wrap around my body as we stood there. It looked like we were on top a hill viewing over something.
“What is this?”
“Starting over, remember? Give it a minute. My mother used to bring me here all the time.” He stated, folding his arms and looked straight in front of him, “Don’t look at me. Look ahead, Greene.”
That moment I watched as a tiny haze on the horizon turned into a large shimmering sphere which rose slowly, beautifully, and licked onto the dull morning sky. The sunbeams illuminated the once charcoal black field and revealed an unbelievably breath-taking view of an ocean of yellow flowers. Wow, never before in my entire life had I ever seen such a spectacular view. I breathed in the cool air and felt so light, relaxed, and in awe that I could be in sync with this part of nature. The sky became pink like a sea of cotton candy that intertwined with the morning hue of a fire-like orange-red with hints of baby blue beneath. I couldn’t help but smile at this. I could stay here forever, just to see this again. To wake up every morning and get a glimpse of what Heaven seemed to look like.
Adrian, already turning towards me held a contented smile on his face, “You look good when you smile like that. Do it more often.”
“It’s so- crazy- amazing- wow…” I breathed.
I didn’t want to leave this place, not yet. For the first time in a long time, I felt at peace, like nothing could go wrong. I sat on the earthy emerald grass and soaked in this nostalgic feeling. It was beautiful, euphoric. I hadn’t realized, but Adrian also did the same. He looked so different at the moment with the soft gentle breeze caressing through his dark hair which seemed to be highlighted to an earthy brown colour. He actually seemed relaxed and not irritated. Everything about him stood out in grace and exquisiteness. His face was perfectly sculpted to utter flawlessness. God must have been in a pretty darn good mood when he was making this man. It made me wonder again how he was able to go through the madness of his past and come out in such a glorifying manner. He was dangerous; he killed someone, his own blood. No matter how much I tried to tell myself that, I couldn’t. I couldn’t see him as the bad guy, the villain. I couldn’t bring myself to hate him like that.
I knew he probably knew I was staring at him but he kept his gaze ahead, “If you’re contemplating about leaving, Greene, then like I already said, I’m not going to stop you. I don’t have any tricks up my sleeve so you don’t have to be afraid of me.”
“I’m not afraid of you, Adrian.”
“Well, that’s unfortunate.” He said looking at me as he arched both eyebrows, “You’re not afraid of a man who killed his own father? Who’s to say he won’t hurt you?”
“He won’t.” I replied feeling sick at heart, “He won’t hurt me. I know he won’t.”
Somehow, I believed that. I knew that. Even after knowing what he did, I somehow knew he won’t hurt me. Not like that. I mean, I remembered when he kissed me. As pathetic as it sounds, that was the only thing he probably did that hurt me, a lot. And that was only because of the fact that I’ve never allowed myself to become so close to someone before. Somehow, I was swayed by Adrian, maybe it was because of his good looks, and alluring charm. Maybe it was because I had too much on my mind that I couldn’t function properly that night. It couldn’t be because of his attitude towards me. But, maybe it was? When he held me I didn’t feel intimidated, he didn’t allow me to. It was like I was part of his collaborated, perfect world. It was crazy, nice, but frightening that he made me feel as if I needed him. Adrian Vandermir made me feel vulnerable. I hated that, I never wanted someone as much as I’d wanted him, needed him. And it pained me to know that he did that just to get back at me, just to play with my feelings. I mean, it was probably the least interesting thing he did in his life. I should just move on from that. Move on as he did.
No Julie, start over! Stop thinking about him!
Taking a deep breath, I tried to push those thoughts out of my mind. What mattered now was how I viewed him. I felt sick to know that I judged him so quickly, so harshly. He wasn’t the rich spoiled bratty kid, he was hurt. I understand how it is to lose a parent, I knew how much it hurt, but I didn’t know what physical torture felt like. No one ever raised their hand at me in my entire life growing up. I felt somehow blessed because of that. I suffered from psychological agony, but Adrian faced both physical and psychological. If he could resort to murdering someone, then it must’ve been really unbearable for him. Still, I couldn’t believe he would do that to his own father.
“He wasn’t always like that.” He began.
“What?”
“My father,” He continued, “He wasn’t always like that. I admit, he was a strict man and a perfectionist, but he wasn’t an abuser, he wasn’t psychotic. He was a good father. When I was eight he got in an accident coming back from work a night. Because of that accident, he sustained a brain injury, a brain disorder that messed with his mental health making him bipolar, aggressive, and abusive. He was undergoing treatment from one of the best doctors around here, but it was useless. I watched for four years as my father turned into some kind of monster, he was a devil.”
“Adrian I’m sorry-“
“Don’t be. Apologizes are useless. My mother and I endured that man for four years, she suffered the pain of watching the man she once loved, turn into her worst nightmare. By the age of twelve she left, she couldn’t take any more of the abuse she was facing with him. I don’t blame her, I saw what he did to her, how he-” He stopped, took a tired breath, and continued again, “I don’t blame her. I managed to put up with him for three more years, it was literally Hell with that man. He strived for perfection. He knew he wasn’t perfect but he wanted his son to be, so he did whatever it took for me to do things the way he wanted. He wanted flawlessness. I was never the way he wanted me to be but he made sure I was. It’s only around that time I realized that he was sick, from depression, he couldn’t handle it anymore.”
“Handle what?”
“Life. He held on to his beliefs, he didn’t want to commit suicide because he said it was a sinful deed.” Adrian laughed, “Wasn’t what he was doing to us sinful already? I think he was afraid of Hell. Life was already Hell on Earth for him, maybe he wanted to experience it if it was easier somewhere else. He didn’t want to commit suicide, so he told me to do it for him.”
“What?”
“He wanted me to kill him, Greene. I didn’t want to, I didn’t want to become a murderer. I didn’t want to go to Hell. Honestly, I don’t care about going there now. But at that time I did, I didn’t want to kill my own father but he- he did things to me. Things that I could never bring myself to forget. He made it intolerable, I wanted him to stop. I remember him coming towards me, I didn’t want him to come any closer so I took a knife up to scare him off. I thought he would’ve backed away at the time but he didn’t, instead, he lunged himself right into it. I killed him.”
He lunged himself into it.
“Adrian,” I breathed, “You didn’t kill him, Adrian, it was self-defense. He killed himself.”
“He’s still dead because of that.”
I had no words to tell him, I felt sick, pained, “I- I didn’t know… I-“
“I didn’t expect you to.”
“So what about your mother?” I asked.
“Dead. Ricardo’s family used to secretly keep in contact with her.”
“Oh,” I replied, remembering that Adrian and Ricardo were cousins.
“They said she used to inquire a lot about me, but really, did it matter? No, I don’t blame her for leaving.”
The manner in which Adrian said that sounded like he was having an inner conflict about whether to hate his mother or not.
“But what’s really interesting is what I found out after,” He began again, “Rocillie.”
“Rocillie?” I asked in complete confusion now.
“He’s the cause of everything, Greene. He’s the reason for the fall of my family.”
“I don’t understand.”
“The accident my father had gotten in wasn’t an accident, it was a setup. The doctor whom he went for treatment was taking bribes from Rocillie to giving my father the wrong medications.”
“But why would he do that?”
“The partnership,” Adrian stated in frustration, “Rocillie wanted the other members of the partnership to make changes to the share agreement, give him more of the profits so that he could run it efficiently. But the other members declined his offer, knowing that he was becoming money hungry, and threatened to dismiss their parts on it. Which I don’t think settled very well with him, so he decided to kill them all.”
“Them all?”
“He put my family through Hell, Julie, made my father a maniac and killed my mother. He killed Donnie, Ricardo, and Finny’s parents as well.”
“What?” I breathed in shock.
“Although, I fail to understand why he didn’t kill yours. Frank Dawnly, on the other hand, signed over his part to Rocillie, only because his wife was completely oblivious to the partnership and he didn’t want to put her in any kind of danger.”
“But- my mother… I thought… how?”
“As I said, Greene, I don’t know. She wasn’t killed by Rocillie, she was killed by Bronte who found out about the partnership somehow through her.”
“So that’s your purpose? Revenge? That’s the big goal of your life?”
“I’d be lying if I said no. And it isn’t about revenge, it’s justice. I want Rocillie to pay for what he did to everyone. That’s the only purpose I’ve given myself.”
“And when you get that? What are you planning to do after?” I asked, feeling my heart sink.
Adrian didn’t answer, he wasn’t going to. Maybe it’s because he didn’t know what he would do after. Was that the only purpose in his life? Was that the only reason he keeps himself alive? I didn’t like this, I didn’t like the fact that this Rocillie man was getting involved with everyone. He caused so many deaths, so much pain. Adrian sat there keeping his eyes glued to the horizon. God, he went through so much. That’s why he’s so cold. If there wasn’t anyone in his life that had been there to support and love him, then no wonder he’s the way he is today. Now that I think about it, same as me, he lost his family because of that partnership.
“Stop staring at me like that.” He stated with an irritated expression.
“I wasn’t staring at you.” I lied, feeling a bit awkward he pointed it out.
“Oh, really?” He scoffed.
“Well, what’s so wrong if I am?” I teased, trying to break the tension, “Wouldn’t you like that?”
“You’re not looking at me in that sort of way. You’re looking at me as if I’m some kind of ripped teddy bear you want to fix and snuggle with.”
“Well, that shouldn’t bother you, should it?” I smiled.
“It does, actually. Firstly, it’s childish and creepy. Plus, I don’t snuggle.”
“What? What kind of person doesn’t do that? I mean, not secretly at least? What the heck do you do?”
“Like I said, Miss Greene, I don’t do that. I’m not a child. My level of affection tends to be on a more advanced stage for your comprehension as of now.”
I felt like I immediately regretted asking him that. His smirk turned back into a less interested annoyed expression, “And secondly, I don’t want you feeling sorry for me. I don’t need it. I’d rather have you hate me instead.”
“God, what’s wrong with you? Why are you like that? Do you think it’s okay and healthy to shut people out like that? Unbelievable!” I finished, suddenly feeling annoyed with him. Somehow, I knew he regretted telling me about his past.
“Damn Greene, you trip off fast.” He chuckled, getting up, “I’ve done this all my life, I can handle it. Besides, I’m not as soft as you are. Although, it’s kind of cute that you care.”
“You know, I’m not pitying you. I just… I don’t know-“
Placing his hand out, I took it gratefully as he helped me up, “Don’t worry, after this partnership business is over we won’t have anything to do with each other. You can live your life however you want.”
Somehow his words felt like acid within me. I was supposed to be happy about that, right? Then why wasn’t I?
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