Damned: Chapter 10) Surrender

I wouldn’t cry for the bastard.

My emotions conflicted within me like fire and ice. I slid down the wall of the shower and hugged my knees as the water ran down my aching body. Looking at the ground, I watched how some man’s blood swished around me. I felt sick, hurt, embarrassed, and stupid. I was a mess. This feeling of him being gone felt like salt to my wounds. Why did I even care? If I hadn’t told him about Anthony, would he have stayed? I didn’t like the feeling of being abandoned, of being alone. It happened to me too much already.

I tightened my eyes pushing away the thought of that man trying to molest me. If Vitaly hadn’t been there on time, if he hadn’t gotten there then God forbid what would have happened. Yet, at the same time, I was mad. Mad at myself for not being able to fight back. The thought of being weak scared me. No matter how much I wanted to defend myself with that man, I couldn’t. I was physically and mentally drained. The thought was petrifying. I never expected to ever be in such a situation. I hated being the damsel in distress yet I found myself doing that quite lately.

What was wrong with me? I promised myself I wouldn’t be weak. I promised myself I would always fight back but I didn’t today, I couldn’t. Maybe that’s how my mother felt when she died. I always wondered why she didn’t fight back from those men but I never considered how she would have felt physically and mentally. I felt drained today. Maybe that’s how she felt, my mother was helpless.

I had to get myself together.

That was it. No more of this weak baby shit. I had enough and Vitaly better understand that. He better understand that he can’t push me around anymore. I was tired of his bipolar crap. Even if he did have a reason to walk out on me, he shouldn’t have reacted so harshly. He shouldn’t have made me feel like this. Like I needed him. I don’t. I don’t.

Taking a deep painful breath, I continued my shower. Wrapping the towel around me, I stepped out of the bathroom only to find Natalia sitting on the edge of the bed.

“These were the best I could find. Most of the boutiques were closed.” She frowned and gave me pajama shorts and a decent-sized loose T-shirt along with other essential stuff in the bag.

Still, I was grateful to her.

“Thank you.” I smiled.

I hadn’t expected it but she shot a subtle smile back at me, “Vit’s in another room, he’ll be done soon. Don’t make him wait, he seemed angry.”

Quickly going back into the bathroom and getting dressed I came out and found him sitting on the sofa and Natalia looking out the window.

“Good. You’re here.” Vitaly stated looking at me as if nothing had happened between us.

I took in his attire, it was different yet a nice look on him. His dark damp hair tousled perfectly, dark jeans, a charcoal grey T-shirt, and a black leather jacket. It was weird not seeing him in a suit yet it was refreshing seeing the monster in this style.

“What are you going to do now?” Natalia suddenly asked.

Turning to her, he gave a tired sigh and rubbed his chin casually, “Donovan and I would go back to the house. I’ll look into this matter tomorrow.”

“She could stay here if you want to look into this now, Vit.” She offered.

Before I could open my mouth, Vitaly interjected, “No. She’s coming with me.”

Nodding, Natalia threw him a key, “Nik had stepped out with your car. He asked to borrow it so I lent him the key to yours which you gave me.”

He looked at the object in his hand, stuck it into his pocket, and looked at me, “Let’s go.”

He walked out of the room quickly, and down the hallway faster than I could even keep up.

“Vitaly wait, I- I can’t- keep… up.” I frowned trying my best to carry my aching self behind him.

 The damn bastard was doing this spitefully.

Finally getting a little closer to him, he stopped abruptly, causing me to bump into him.

I seriously needed to stop doing that.

“You son of a biscuit,” I muttered angrily.

Turning around, he gently pushed me against the wall and covered my mouth, “Alright, here’s the thing love. What you did before was really stupid, you do know that right? After I told you to stay put you just had to satisfy your little ago and defy me.”

I bit down on his hand for him to pull away and spoke at his same level, “It had nothing to do with my ego.”

“Of course it isn’t,” he replied dryly.

“What’s your problem, Rostov? You don’t have to be such a douche to me.”

“All I’m trying to tell you Angel is that whenever you see your brother, you come to me. No matter how far I am, you’ll tell me do you understand?”

“I was going to tell you Vitaly but…”

“It’s dangerous Katherine. I don’t want to find you dead anytime soon. What I’m involved in is far beyond your level of comprehension. You’re too naïve.”

“You care about me, Mr. Rostov?” I playfully teased to break the tension between us.

With a tired sigh, he ignored my question, “It’s late, we should get back to the house. I have a lot of things to do tomorrow.”

Walking to the parking area, he stopped in front of this monster-looking glossy black motorbike and got on it.

“Get on.”

“What?”

“I said get on the damn bike, Katherine.” He scowled impatiently.

“N-no.” I stood in my place.

He turned to me with a frustrated expression, “What the hell do you mean by ‘no’?”

“I mean, my mother warned me about this. I’m not getting on a bike with a guy. It’s highly inappropriate for a decent young lady in my family.”

“So is getting naked with a man in a bathroom,” He stated looking forward, “Are you done with this shit now?”

“Well- I-”

“Get your ass on this bike right now Katrina or, so help me God, I’ll leave without you.”

Well then.

With a sigh, I walked up to the bike trying to get on it.

“What’s wrong with you, Donovan?” his voice slipped into annoyance.

“I can’t-” I struggled to bring my leg over when suddenly he grabbed it and adjusted me on the seat.

I stiffened as he ran his hand along my leg.

“Good?” he asked with a chuckle.

“Awesome.” I breathed trying to recollect myself at the same time.

“Now hold on Angel, I don’t think you’d want to fall off.”

“Hold on to what?”

“To the steering wheel,” he scowled “Don’t play dumb, Katrina.”

Slowly, I brought my hands around him, on his chest. Damn, he was rock solid.

“Okay.” I sighed.

“Great,” was all he said before roaring the beast and speeding onto the road.

“You don’t have to speed like this!” I angrily scolded him as I pressed my face into the back of his jacket and tightened my arms around him.

It felt like forever until we got to the house.

“You’re not taking the normal route home?” I asked shouting against the wind.

“No, there was a roadblock.” His voice was calm.

“Vitaly I’m hungry so hurry it up.”

“You’re a conflicting woman, do you know that? One minute you ask me not to speed and the next minute you tell me to get home quickly.”

“Work around that.” I shrugged.

My eyelids were slipping shut when suddenly I felt the bike slowing down. Vitaly gently stroked my hand over his chest.

“Never fall asleep on my bike, Donovan.” He chuckled.

“What?” I asked in a tired voice, pulling away from him and taking in my surroundings.

We weren’t back at the house yet. Instead, he stopped at this old eatery and bar that looked like it came out of the wide west where the cowboys used to hang out. The place was small and wooden yet I had to admit there was something oddly beautiful about it. Bright colourful Christmas lights decorated the place and classic instrumental songs engulfed the atmosphere.

“Not a very impressive idea for our first date, Rostov.” I teased.

Vitaly got off the bike and helped me off.

“What is this place?” I asked curiously.

“Weren’t you hungry? This was the only place I could have found in this area.” He shrugged and pulled a chair for me to sit at one of the outside tables.

He was right, looking around again, I took noticed of how rural the area was. No buildings, no houses, no anything really, just a long empty road. Where the hell did he really bring me? The eatery itself was scanty with only a few older men hanging around. He stared at me as I shifted uncomfortably in my seat.

“So?” I tried breaking the uneasiness, “How long would it take again until we get home?”

“Home?” he arched an eyebrow with a subtle smile.

“I mean, back at your house.”

“Not sure.”

“What? What do you mean ‘not sure’?”

“I never took this route before.”

“What? Don’t mess with me Soft Served! Tell me you’re lying!” I exclaimed in a panic.

“Would you relax? I’m not insane.” He frowned and called the waiter to take our orders.

Truth be told, one should never judge a book by its cover. The food at this place was honestly amazing- so amazing, that I didn’t care about eating like a pig in front of this guy.

“I thought the Donovans were high maintenance kind of people but I guess I was wrong.” He smiled.

I ignored the comment and carried on.

When I was finished, I just sat there and looked around the place.

“I take back what I said about this place.” I smiled.

“What?”

“I like it. It’s cute. Reminds me of an old story my mom used to tell me about cowboys and princesses.”

“We clearly did not listen to the same stories.” He raised both eyebrows with a tease.

My attention fell to his keys on the table. I never rode a motorbike before. It was something I always secretly wanted to do but never got the opportunity. I mean, my dad never allowed me too but he wasn’t here so… 

“Vitaly?” I honeyed my voice and smiled sweetly towards him.

He furrowed his eyebrows at my sudden change.

“I was wondering if…”

“No,” he stated flatly.

“What?”

“The answer’s no.”

“But you didn’t even hear me out,” I argued.

“I know what you’re going at.”

“Oh really?”

“Yes. And I will tell you again, no.”

“But VitVit!” I pouted.

He stared at me for a second and took the keys into his hand, “Don’t call me that.”

“Oh please Vitaly! I promise I’ll be gentle! If I could just-”

Before I could say another word, he slid the keys across the table to me.

“I’m curious to see how you’re even going to start it.”

“Yay!” I beamed, grabbing the keys and heading to the bike.

He followed right after as I awkwardly sat on the bike.

“When you don’t know about something angel, don’t get involved with it.” he chuckled leaning on the bike.

To both of our surprise, I started it.

“You were saying?” I smugly smiled.

“Use the breaks.”

“Kay-kay.” And with that, I did the impossible and drove.

I tried not to speed but that was next to impossible. I laughed as my hair tousled around my neck. I was doing something I never thought I would be able to do in my entire life. And as sad as that sounded, I never felt so alive before. Trying to turn around, I wasn’t sure what exactly I did wrong but the bike screeched and tilted, causing me to fall off.

“Donovan!” Vitaly yelled from afar.

I felt the dewy green pastures beneath me and squinted my eyes towards the bright white orb above. There were only a few stars that chose to sparkle and boy were they taking advantage of the attention.

“Donovan, are you alright?” Vitaly’s voice was heard suddenly next to me, “Katrina, say something. Are you hurt? Talk to me.”

 I smiled at the sudden care that escaped his mouth and laughed. I laughed at how ridiculous I must have looked on the bike and how embarrassing I must be been when I fell off. Covering my face with laugher, he helped me up.

“What’s wrong with you?”

“You were right.” I continued with my crazy, “About being curious. I could have died. Curiosity killed the cat remember, VitVit?”

“You need to sit down.” He stated, guiding me back to the eatery and getting me something to drink.

“I’m not thirsty.”

“Drink it,” he ordered and shoved the water bottle into my mouth, tilting it as if I was some kind of child.

“You’re not laughing at me?” I asked as he pulled the bottle away and sat opposite me.

“No.”

“Why not? Didn’t you think it was a bit embarrassing?”

“Yes. You made a complete ass of yourself.” He frowned.

“Then why aren’t you laughing?”

“Because it wasn’t funny, you could have gotten seriously injured.”

“But I wasn’t.”

“It was my fault, I encouraged your nonsense.” He scowled.

I tried to breathe away the uneasiness and found myself in an awkward position of silence with the man. Somehow he seemed dead serious. Studying me, he finally asked,

“Why?”

“Why what?” I questioned.

“What’s your deal, Donovan?”

“My deal?” I arched an eyebrow truly confused.

Leaning in closer to me from where he sat opposite, he shot me a demanding look, “No average person, let alone girl, would be able to be so calm after almost being raped.”

I stiffened as he pointed that out. It seemed like a satisfactory answer to him and he leaned back a bit contented, “You even saw two men get murdered in front of you. Hell, you were even covered in one of the men’s blood. If you ask me Angel, you should be in tears at least.”

Tears.

No.

No.

No.

I will not be in tears. I promised myself I wouldn’t, no matter what. I’m a strong girl. Strong girls don’t cry. My mother used to cry, she was weak. I will not be like her. I refuse to be weak. I refuse to. I hate how Vitaly had to bring this up and the look in his eyes demanded an answer.

Turning away from his stare, I swallowed a painful lump at my throat and stated as fluently as I could yet hurt seemed to choke me in silence, “Crying is not an option, Mr. Rostov.”

He hadn’t said anything. He never replied. Instead, his expression seemed to turn into a mild curiosity.

“What about your family?” he asked, suddenly catching me off-guard.

“What?”

“Your parents.”

“Are good people. They weren’t abusive if that’s where you’re getting at.” I defended.

“I never implied anything.”

“But you were getting there.” I pointed and took a deep breath, “My dad’s hardly ever around, Vitaly. After my mother died, the only way he supported Anthony and I were financially.”

He frowned when I said that, “What happened to your mother?”

I hated telling this story to anyone yet I tried to bury my agony and push through with the only decent conversation we were having. I made sure not to make eye contact with him.

“My mother was murdered,” my voice broke, “Gang-raped and murdered.”

I tried not to look at him, I really did yet I couldn’t. His lip was stapled in a thin straight line, hardened by his facial expression. He seemed to be lost in a memory.

“What are you thinking about?” I asked softly.

He looked at me for a second and contemplated whether he should tell me or not, “It’s nothing. We should get going. I want to get back before sunrise.”

“But-”

“Don’t nag me, Katherine, it doesn’t turn me on.”

I watched him walk to the bike and followed him right after.

“Whatever I say to you Rostov, has no intention of ‘turning you on’,” I stated with creased eyebrows.

“You have no idea, Miss Donovan,” he smiled as he got on the bike and continued, “You have no idea how often you do that.”

I looked at him with genuine innocence plastered on my face. I didn’t understand how he could think that. Taking his jacket off, he gave it to me.

“Don’t think too much, get on the bike. I’m tired.”

With an easy breath, I did as he said and even wore his jacket. I oddly loved being in his clothes, to be honest, it was as if he himself were wrapping his arms around me.

Ew no.

Get that out of your head.

As he started the bike, a thought kept lingering in my mind. Shouldn’t I thank him? Even though he’s an overall aggressive, assertive, absolute ass, he did save my reputation back at the hotel. It was killing me, this guilt I was feeling was drowning me.

The cold wind combed through my hair as we headed back to the house.

“Vitaly?” I asked breaking the silence between us. We hadn’t spoken anything since we left.

“I thought you were dead back there Donovan, it’s the quietest you’ve ever been.” He chuckled.

“I just… I was thinking…”

“You should do that more often.” He laughed.

“You know what, just forget it,” I frowned, “I’m not in the mood to argue with you right now, and there you go again with your shit talk. Don’t you have a mind to at least ‘think before you talk’? But an idiot man such as yourself wouldn’t know that.”

“You do realize that you are arguing with me right now.” He teased.

I didn’t answer, he was just too much.

“Fine,” he sighed, “I apologize.”

For some reason, I felt extra guilty now. I mean he just apologized to me for such a pity thing yet I couldn’t thank him for saving my life. My ego was now my enemy.

“Vitaly.” I breathed tiredly as I pressed my face against the back if his shirt.

“Katrina.”

“I’m sorry.”

“What?” his voice seemed surprised.

“I meant, for not telling you earlier.”

“Telling me what?”

“Thank you. I’m sorry for not thanking you for being there when I needed you.” I stated softly.

“Right.” He seemed unfazed by it.

That was it?

What if he thinks I’m just saying that?

“I mean it you know.” I shrugged causing him to laugh softly.

“You have a gift.”

“What?”

“For making people feel uncomfortable.”

When I didn’t reply, he continued, “And you don’t need to apologize nor thank me, Katrina. I’m not as nice as you think so don’t get that idea in your head yet.”

I rolled my eyes at that, “Trust me, it never entered my mind. I was just being a lady and thanking you.”

“Of course you were.”

“You know Vitaly, you should try it sometime.”

“Women are great and all but I don’t see myself as being very lady-like. I’d kindly decline the request sweetheart.”

I noted that Vitaly spoke fluent English without any accent most of the time yet when he wants something he goes all Russian on you. He also speaks like that when he’s about to commit a murder but that’s just a fun fact I figured.

“You lived in Russia, right? How long? What was it like?” I quizzed with a sudden interest about the man.

“I’d only spent my childhood there. I was around eleven when I arrived in America.”

“Oh, I’ve never been to Russia. Maybe you could take me there sometime.” I smiled.

He chuckled at that, “How long do you plan for us to stay together, Miss Donovan?”

“Oh, I was just talking about hiring you for my translator or something. Or, maybe you can teach me the language. Make yourself a little useful while you’re in my company.”

“I’m in your company? You should rephrase that darling.”

“Well, you did tell me not to say, hostage.” I teased.

“You wouldn’t know a shit about hostage, bondage, or pain even if it bit you in the ass, Donovan.” 

I laughed at that. He wasn’t seriously bringing that up. Brushing his comment off, I noted the sunrise that seemed to ocean the green pastures to a yellowish hue. It was honestly one of the most beautiful things I ever saw in my entire life.

“You didn’t make it back in time.” I smiled pointing at the yellow blinding orb.

For some odd reason, I wanted to stand up. I had this stupid sudden urge to do it. Holding onto his shoulders, I carefully pushed myself up.. He seemed to drive a bit slower to steady me on the bike.

This feeling was euphoric. I held my both hands out to the side as I let the cool morning breeze lick my face and I laughed. The wind gently tousled my hair neatly back as I closed my eyes and soaked in the ambiance of the empty highway. Never in my entire life have I felt like this before. It felt real. The moment felt raw. I knew I’d miss this feeling when it’s over. I never wanted it to end. It didn’t seem as dangerous when you’re in the moment doing something like this. Who cares anyway, life is short. 

“You should probably sit down now. I need to go faster.” He stated.

That didn’t exactly ruin my moment. For the matter, I actually felt quite satisfied. Wrapping my arms back around him, I leaned on his back and smiled to myself.

There was no one to tell me what to do again. This feeling was nostalgic, being around him made me feel like this. He didn’t judge me. I liked that. I felt like I could take a brief moment to forget all my worries right now. No more rules and regulations, no more dad trying to control my every decision, no more stressing over anyone and anything, no more of any of that. This time, right now, it was just- me.

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