Damned: Chapter 49) Painful Grace

The weight of the world seemed to be crashing down upon me or rather tugging mercilessly at the strings which sewed together the broken pieces of my heart. The entire flight I kept to myself and the weeks that came as well.

“Katherine, Archer will be back from his trip tonight and it’s his birthday today.”

I couldn’t even bring my damned words through my lips. Everything felt painful and it wasn’t even that time of the month.

“Do you know, when it was your birthday while you were in the coma, he spent every single second of the day with you. He didn’t even give a shit about work. Whatever that day was, he canceled all plans and stayed at your bedside for every second. He was in so much pain seeing you like that, Katherine. I almost envied that- that brotherly affection. It was beyond me.”

Snapping back to her attention as I heard that I held back a tear from escaping, she was right. I was being so selfish right now. I’m grieving but it feels like I’m hurting everyone around me.  

“I’m sorry,” I said softly trying to recollect myself and my thoughts. “Let’s do something for him. He deserves it.”

There was a certain light to Natalia’s eyes that flared and at that moment I wondered if it was me who always kept her mood down. I always detested such surprise parties because it usually never goes to plan but hey, why the hell not? Natalia contacted all of Archer’s friends which surprisingly were a lot, excluding the ones who put our lives in danger that is, while I booked the reception hall for the party, food, and whatnot. The evening crept up quite quickly as we got dressed. Natalia wore this long fitted emerald coloured dress which clung to her curves so eloquently, its splash of sequins contoured every part of her figure developing her into this Greek-like goddess. If Archer doesn’t bang her, I’ll question a lot of things with that man.

“You look beautiful.” She smiled at me.

I hadn’t been taking quite a lot of care with myself lately and tonight was one of those rare times I did. I hadn’t realized how drawn out my face got or how much weight I’ve lost until I had put on the dress. The deep cut of the black off shoulders top clung to my curves softly as the material didn’t feel too damn bad against my skin. It was oddly comfortable. Along, it came with its second piece of the set which was a long black slightly flared skirt which was decorated with gentle yet visible golden patterns the form of vines from the bottom up with floral patterns to suit. The entire outfit gave the illusion of a dress. I swirled my hair to pin back, princess style as a few strands escaped.

“Looks like a red lipstick kind of night, Donovan.” She winked, placing a deep red liquid lipstick in front of me to wear- which I did. 

Entering the hall, crowds of persons were gathered and clustered chatting away with each other, laughing, drinking, and simply enjoying themselves.

“I didn’t know it was a mascaraed theme,” I said to her as we entered and smiled politely to those around.

“Decorators called back and wanted a theme. It was the best I could think of.” She apologetically answered. “But why hide a face as pretty as yours.”

“You sure know how to made a lady blush, Natty.” I teased as I took a glass of wine and brought it to my lips lowkey to drown my sorrow. Somehow the throb in my chest began again and the memories began to eat me alive. She noticed and casually pulled me aside, “Do you want to talk about it?”

“My drinking problem or…?”

“No Katherine, although I have realized you were consuming a lot recently.”

“I don’t have a drinking problem, Natalia.”

“I mean about Vitaly.”

Oh.

“What about him?” I played it off as nothing.

“Katherine, I’m beginning to think that this isn’t about you feeling guilty and blaming yourself for his death- which isn’t your fault.”

“He died thinking I hated him.”

“He would have done the same thing regardless if he met you or not, Katherine. Ever since I knew him, ever since his grandfather made him shoot that man at just seventeen years, he had been obsessed with finding those folders- of bringing down Vincelli.”

“Then that’s even worse.”

“How so?”

“Because,” I breathed softly. “Because he wanted to stop a man from harming others, and what did I do? I called him selfish and chastised him without even knowing his reasons behind any of this. Do you know he was raped, Natalia? By men- when he was just a boy. I am the real villain here. I judged him.”

She took a curious step towards me and studied me for a few seconds before she spoke, “I’ll ask again, this is more than just guilt, isn’t it?

“I don’t understand what you want me to-” I felt uneasy even talking when she sliced me with her next words.

“You loved him.”

This time, she stated it rather than ask. And in all honesty, I felt dissected with a tiny pair of scissors to the heart. I couldn’t even bring myself to deny it somehow. Somehow, perhaps I never admitted it, but it was the truth- even after the odds- I loved him. Love. I still do in my own damned little world, I still do and it pains me as if the moon lost the sky or the sun lost its light. And this was agonizing in such a sickly twisted way.

“There you both are,” Nik’s voice echoed behind us. “Archer is on his way up.”

“We should go,” I say to her as Nik walked out but she pulled me back by the arm, gently.

“And I hope you know he did as well.”

I stopped to let her words absorbed into me.

“And this is why you need to move on from him. He wouldn’t want you to be in this pain.”

“Archer is here,” I said to her as I noticed his entering the hall being greeted by everyone, “We should meet him.”

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