Fatal Alliances: Chapter 36.5
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I wanted this. I wanted this more than anything in the world right now. But I didn’t deserve it. I didn’t deserve her.
Hurt fogged over her features. Embarrassment. Pain. It all drifted through her and I hated myself for it. No matter how much I wanted to reciprocate, no matter how much I wanted her. I couldn’t. I couldn’t have her. I couldn’t hurt her any further.
She pulled away quickly, but I held onto her wrist, “Julie wait-” I tried to say, hoping she’d understand.
“F-for what?” she asked in an injured voice with a sniffle.
“Please try and understand-“
“What? What don’t I understand, Adrian?” her voice was soft and broken.
“That we-” I stopped unsure of how to say this, unsure of how to tell her I wanted the same but I’m a lost hope. I was only going to hurt her. I was broken. A mess. And a monster. She deserved better. “I’m only going to hurt you. I’m not what you want.”
“I completely understand, Adrian.” she swallowed the agony and embarrassment down.
“No, for Christ’s sake, you don’t.” I breathed.
“I know you don’t like me,” she said with another sniffle, “I understand.”
“Juliet, it’s not that. You’re a lovely girl, you really are. You’re beautiful, and any man would want you.” I want you.
There was a wounded silence that swept through the air. “Don’t ruin yourself for a man like me Julie. You can’t help me and I can’t give you what you want. Please try and understand. I don’t want to hurt you.”
“I understand.” She said yet again, but she didn’t. She didn’t understand.
“I understand.” She repeated.
I stood, towering over her. Trying my best to accept this.
“And,” she cleared my voice, “You forgot smart. You forgot to tell me I’m smart.”
“You are.” I smiled, “I wish we could start over, Miss Greene. Things wouldn’t be this complicated.” I really wished.
“Then we should.” She said, turning to me. She pushed away the pain and flashed me an awkward but cute smile, sticking her hand out, “My name is Juliet Rosalie Greene, and you are?”
I stared at her for a second. I’d do anything to make you stop crying, to make you stop hurting, even something as silly as this. “Adrian James Vandermir.” I said taking her hand.
“Mr. Vandermir.”
“Miss Greene.”
I couldn’t let go of her. I don’t think I’d ever be fully capable of doing so. But I knew I had to. I knew that one day, it’ll all end and I wasn’t sure if I was ready for that just yet. For most of my life, I wanted this partnership to end, and now? Now I wasn’t so sure of it. Now I didn’t even know what I wanted with her around.
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Fatal Alliances by Celine Mahadeo
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